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There is only one honest thing to say when the weight of dating uncertainty weighs heavy: “We don’t know.” We must confess that, to the experience of besetting and anxious uncertainty in dating, there isn’t an answer or at least not a concrete and immediate answer.

Maybe the whole point of dating — and the fact that Scripture says so little about it — is that we don’t know what we’re doing, we can’t do it well (alone), and it isn’t sustainable.

We need not be uncertain about everything in dating, though.

God is not inactive, distant, disinterested in our relationships: “Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that flutters over its young, spreading out its wings, catching them, bearing them on its pinions” (Deuteronomy ).

The cause of the feeling of uncertainty, to state the obvious and critical, is that . Sinful humans, with all of our benefits, come with risks.

They ask themselves, “What does a relationship look like with someone who is neither my spouse nor my fiancé?

Understanding that anxiety is a proper reaction to the unsettled angst of an unfulfilled and covenantally unprotected relationship is the best starting place.

We can say a dating relationship is protected and settled and safe, but it isn’t — no matter what dating philosophy one adheres to, the emotional escalation of dating leads either to a breakup or a marriage.

We are tempted to earn and secure love by our own power, and tempted to test others’ worthiness for our love.

And yet we have a God who passionately endorses marriage as the norm for people, and is actively seeking to bless us.

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