Dating violence amoungst teens
In whatever form, contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust.It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.” The reason contempt is such a powerful predictor of divorce is because it is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts.Jessie’s husband does this by trying to make her feel like a horrible personal and by saying hurtful things to her. You know your husband better than anyone, you know yourself, and you know how your marriage has changed through the years.Don’t let a relationship article take away all your hope for a happy, healthy marriage!“Treating others with disrespect and mocking them with sarcasm are forms of contempt.So are hostile humor, name-calling, mimicking, and/or body language such as eye-rolling and sneering.John Gottman and his four decades of marriage research.“When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean,” writes Ellie Lisitsa in The Four Horsemen: Contempt on The Gottman Institute’s blog about strengthening relationships.
I was inspired to write this article by a reader’s comment.
“The problem with criticism is that, when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for the other, far deadlier [warning signs of unhealthy marriages].
Criticism makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt, and often causes the perpetrator and victim to fall into an escalating pattern where the first horseman reappears with greater and greater frequency and intensity.” When you were first married, you probably felt understood, heard, and connected with your husband. You didn’t want to hurt him – and he was sensitive to your feelings.
The issue is that when this “sliding” occurs, there is less initial commitment and willingness to stick it out when things get tough, which is essential to any marriage.
In other words, if you slide into your marriage you may be more likely to slide right on out.