Not validating feelings
And so, we are left to wonder things like: This is page is intended to be an Emotional Connection crash page.
It is a succinct breakdown of important definitions and myths surrounding our social-emotional needs.
Why can’t I trust you to do what you say you are going to do? ” I think we can all agree that’s not likely to calm Jen’s state of mind!
”Some people in Tom’s position might jump straight to “solution mode” and respond without validation – “What do you mean, I have been on time for the last two weeks and I’m late just this one time and I get all of this flack! Next time I will call before I leave work so you know when I will be home. However, if Tom responds by putting himself in Jen’s shoes, remembering that her feelings are driving the situation, and responds by validating them, he will get a better response. I’m sorry I didn’t get home earlier.”Then, and only then, can Tom give into his need to find a solution – Jen is now feeling that he understands her frustration, and is now open to hearing any of Tom’s solutions:/emotions, tell them they are right or wrong, or violate your own personal beliefs in order to validate someone else’s feelings and perspective.
You’re probably found yourself in a similar situation on more than one occasion.
However, when it comes to handling issues in our relationships this communication model just does not work!
At the outset, the Wife may feel deep anxiety at her Husband’s proposal to buy a new car, and the Husband may feel frustration that he is meeting resistance from his Wife.
No spontaneous emotional connection happening here! In order for an emotional connection to happen in this scenario, either the Husband or the Wife has to call up some empathy.
I personally am always tempted to reach for my hammer when dealing with problems that arise with my computer!You’ve heard it before – men tend to jump straight to problem solving mode.When something is broken we jump right in and want to fix the problem.After two weeks of being on time, during the third week he is late one night.He comes in the front door, to be greeted by his wife Jen, who says something like, “Why are you always late and never home on time?